State of the Union 2011 - Top Ten List

State of the Union 2011 - FACT CHECK: Obama and his imbalanced ledger

1) I want to "redouble" what the stimulus did... but simultaneously freeze spending.
2) I'm now totally *against* earmarks, after I was totally *for* earmarks.
3) Let me be clear. I'm willing to enact tort reform during my speeches, but unwilling to enact tort reform when it comes to actually enacting tort reform.
4) We must do what the Fiscal Commission proposed to reduce the deficit...... by not doing anything like what the Fiscal Commission proposed to reduce the deficit. Thank you to the members of this valuable group for sharing this plan --- that nobody read, no one wants to hear about, and which only potentially-suicidal politicians would want to follow --- at a few million dollars of taxpayer cost.
5) Social Security: 'Reduce benefits? No. Increase retirement age? No. Well... I'm sh-- out of ideas!'
6) Iran hasn't responded to sanctions, but my peeps in the White House told the NYT they sure as heck responded to the Stuxnet virus. Oh... wait, did I say that!? *AHEM* Let me be clear, that totally wasn't us! But still, I apologize on behalf of the American people. I don't know why I'm apologizing, but it usually makes me feel better. Quick... someone cue McCain for a cover version of "Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran (2008)."
‎7) Don't fear India and China --- they're partners for American innovation! When they steal our designs, infringe on our patents or reverse engineer our products and make them cheaper, people around the world will *still* buy American... because... it's... wait.... Are you sure about this, TelePrompTer? OK... if you say so!
8) Let me be clear. Jobs *will* come back to Main Street. When companies can't buy any more machines that do the work of five people --- without payroll tax, no Social Security tax, no HR costs, no health care coverage mandate.... Scratch that. Let me be clear. Jobs will *not* be coming back to Main Street, at least as long as I'm president around here!
9) Everybody gets a car! Everybody gets a car! Everybody gets a car!
10) I'm not recommending for every future president that they take a shellacking like I'm going to in 2012.

(photo © Ricky Carioti / The Washington Post)